Two Weeks To Go

I cannot believe how quickly it has arrived. I now have exactly fourteen days to fine-tune and perfect every aspect of my wedding plans before it is too late. I thought I was doing really well, had everything under control and was totally calm, however my subconscious obviously feels differently as I had a horror dream last night in which everything that could go wrong did go wrong.

In my dream I was in the bridal suite at the hotel getting my entourage of small children ready for the bridal party and was inexplicably unable to locate the small one's dress. Lovely fiance's mother was saying soothing words along the lines of allowing the small one to follow me down the aisle in vest and bloomers while I tore the room apart looking for them. This was followed by the venue manager throwing open the doors of the ballroom (where we are to be married) to reveal a church organ playing the bridal march. As my sleeping brain comprehended that we are not being married in church, the music suddenly shut off and was replaced by scrabbling sounds as the iPod (which should and will be playing our chosen song) failed followed by the sound of my mother getting to her feet and bursting into song.

I woke in terror and have spent the morning desperately going back over the wedding plans and writing reams of instructions for the venue manager in order to avoid such an occurrence. As I said yesterday on the phone to best friend, who is attending with her husband and four children under 7 (how does she do it?), I have to relax and accept that everything cannot possibly go to plan when the guest list includes 13 kids, three of them under 2. I also questioned her on the concept that it isn't possible to get drunk on your wedding day. Someone told me this before my first wedding back in 1996 and sure enough, I put away a large amount of gin and tonic plus wine and was still totally lucid and sober on that day. However she brought me back down to earth by saying 'if you drink a lot of wine, you will get pissed', and pointing out that on her own wedding day she vaguely remembers taking her stockings off in front of someone, but she can't remember who, she just knows it wasn't her husband.

I will be pacing myself with sparkling water.