The Ghost of Weddings Past

It occurs to me today that as a second-time-bride to be I have a wealth of experience and knowledge of wedding planning that I am unable to allude to or use to back up my opinions because my former wedding day is a taboo subject. The number of times that wedding discussions have been underway and it's been on the tip of my tongue to say 'well last time I did blah-blah'.

Perhaps it would be okay if lovely fiance had also been married before. (Image in head of us putting our heads together and discussing our past nuptials in a civilised manner). However he hasn't. So the last thing he wants to consider when organising what should be the happiest day of his life is that a) I have done it before and b) when I did I must have at least been under the impression that I was happy with that other man. As a result I find I talk to him about our plans as if I'd never in my life before considered the pros and cons of having a toastmaster, or a free bar. Of course I looked into both in minute detail the first time around and now have the benefit of that experience to draw on. (Not having a free bar for first wedding was in my opinion a big mistake). But instead I debate it like a blushing first-time-bride.

It doesn't get any better when discussing plans with mother-in-law to be, or other members of the family. To sum up, it just isn't DONE to mention a previous wedding when you are in the thick of planning a new one, however much your experience might help.

On a similar subject, we are constantly referring to other weddings that one or both of us have attended, particularly that of lovely fiance's youngest sister, who tied the knot eighteen months ago. That wedding was planned perfectly down to the tiniest detail and would have passed muster as one of those feature weddings in the bride magazines (which I normally read through in the knowledge that nothing I had a hand in organising could possibly turn out that well).

As a result I find myself surreptitiously distancing our own plans from hers as there's just no way we can possibly compete. And a lot of our guests will have attended her wedding too. So where she had a professional photographer and film-maker, we are going to bung lovely fiance's nephew a few quid to take informal digital snapshots which we will then make into a montage. And no video - I hear the camera adds ten pounds and my dress does not allow for this. Where she had a harpist for the entrance music, we are considering Abba. And where she had a theme for her wedding stationery and matching colours for everything, we had those Hello Magazine style cards done cut price on Moonpig.com for our invitations and are intending to get nine year old daughter to put together the table plan for added charm (at least I hope that's how it will look).

As a result, our wedding should be so far removed from any other that there will be no cause for comparison and thus it can only be judged on its own merits! Mission accomplished - I hope...